Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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