At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
40s are totally the cure
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize