I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
