wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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