I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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