what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize