I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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