Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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