all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
