Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
