btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize