did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
