The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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