i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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