I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
