i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
