I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
