yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
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i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
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Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?