Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
