I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type