all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.