Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!