Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
