Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
