College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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