there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Randomize
