I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Houston, we have a squirter
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
