I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize