We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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