During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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