MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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