when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize