I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
