It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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