i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
