Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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