I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
