i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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