good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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