I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
