I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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