every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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