Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
