shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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