Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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