It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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