1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
