I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
