Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
