he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
