May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
