I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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