I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The ass gains better be worth it
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