Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
