Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
