Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
