Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize