i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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