Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
