my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She needs sedatives and a leash
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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