Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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